Friday, May 15, 2009

Warren, Ohio---Welcome To Acoustic Anarchy!

Welcome to Warren, Ohio, the wonderful world of Acoustic Anarchy!

If you love illegal and unnecessary--or obnoxious and excessive noise, we’ve got it all right here! If you are a loud and disrespectful person to your neighbor, this is the place for you! Oh hail all ye noisemakers…. Warren is calling all of you! There is NO enforcement of laws relating to, or regulating such in Warren, Ohio!

Come to Warren, all motorcyclists who have illegally modified pipes on your bike---who simply like to be loud under the guise of safety---and who like to call attention to yourselves with your brain splitting, gut wrenching, terrifying noise assault that can be heard for blocks on a calm summer day! You can get away with that here!

Come all you boom car thugs who are so deprived of self esteem that you have call attention to yourselves by robbing people of their right to peace in their own home---by shaking and rattling their windows and bodies with your self indulgent noise weapons disguised as stereos! You can get away with that here, too! Warren LOVES audio terrorism and acoustic assault!

Come to Warren ALL of you who think the fourth of July lasts all year long and who love terrorizing animals with fireworks. Our very own High School sets a wonderful example for 10 weeks out of the year, draped with the label of “school spirit and tradition” with their cannon fire for every gain on the field no matter how minuscule! If you’re a war veteran, no one cares about the post traumatic stress disorder factor here! So, if you love unleashing cannon fire on your neighbors, you go right ahead! If the school can do it under the premise of “spirit and tradition”, all you need as an excuse in Warren is to say that “you’re entitled and you have a right!” Eventhough freedom without responsibility is chaos----and eventhough we discover it wiser to use freedoms to help, and NOT hurt people! But in Warren....ANYTHING goes!

Come all of you who refuse to get your exhausts repaired on your vehicles, or have illegally altered or amplified exhausts fitted onto your vehicle. Who will notice? Afterall, in Warren, 2 out of every five cars has an exhaust falling off anyway! You’ll love it here, because there is no enforcement of the law on this either!

Come to Warren, all of you who are anal and ocd about your lawn and who think your driveway needs to be antiseptic as you relentlessly blow that ultra loud dust blower for hours upon hours! Look at the extra opportunities here! How fun is it for you to spoil an otherwise peaceful summer afternoon for your neighbors who are having a pic-nic by blasting a loud torrent of filthy dusty air their way! Not to mention the fumes from the machine itself! You can take great pride in knowing that not only have you produced an especially irritating and loud noise--but in the bonuses too--in that you have stirred up pollen, mold, rodent feces and spittle, lawn chemicals, and other nasties, so that it settles on people’s cars, windows, gets in their homes through open windows, and worse, in their lungs! Asthma is a big cash cow here and you help the drug businesses while sending people’s health down the drain simply by choosing to not have common sense!

Forget those other 400 communities across the nation who have chosen to place restrictions on uses of these machines and those communities who have chosen to get serious about noise issues because they have learned through statistics that they are far more than a mere nuisance issue---because In Warren, with noise, you can do whatever you wish whenever you wish---even if it means blowing swine flue in your neighbors face with a loud dirt blower!

Yes, there is so much opportunity in Warren, Ohio if you love assaulting people with your noise and invading their right to reasonable peace in their own home! This city prides itself upon being one of the last bastions of anarchy on noise and quality of life issues, because we don’t enforce the laws that do exist, let alone create new ones to keep up with the times.

Indeed, if you have never learned common sense and manners in your life about respecting others around you… Warren, Ohio is the place for you! Please settle here, because we LOVE noise! We LOVE acoustic anarchy and love how it has contributed greatly to the decline of the quality of life and property values! We want you here!

Thanks to your behavior, we've seen the spawning of a thriving new economy of noise machine outfitters for boom cars/motorcycles, tattoo parlors, tobacco outlets, fast food joints, and pay day check advance type businesses! Such businesses greatly foster a healthy populace, body, mind and soul--and have people from all over the nation wanting to re-locate in lovely Warren, Ohio! Thanks to your anti-social noisy behavior, we've also become the premier recruiting grounds for The Jerry Springer show!

Please come to Warren, Ohio if you love imposing your noise on your neighbor, or, if you think you are entitled, or it is your freedom to do so. We want all of you acoustic anarchists. We are the town of acoustic anarchy! Throw that quality of life issue down the drain.

Afterall, in these hard times when we don‘t have much, why not be the best we can be to make things even worse, by depriving people of that one little thing they are all entitled to…the feeling of peace, safety and comfort in their own homes! Who needs that in Warren? Mad Max would be proud that examples of lawlessness in Warren have been nationally acclaimed as fueling an ever growing aggressive and mentally disturbed society! Warren, on behalf of all who lack common sense and manners, we’re so proud of you taking the lead in making the laws on quality of life issues non-existent!

Thank you!

Signed...The, "I’m entitled" crowd!

1 comment:

James said...

There is only 1 word for all of this. UNBELIEVABLE. Unlike Warren Ohio, the noise laws in Dallas Texas are very well enforced. On a complaint where an officer must visit a noisy home, you get just 1 chance to 'tone it down' or and arrest and confiscation of noisy equipment would be in order. I think that the Warren Ohio authorities need to check out how other live in areas across the country and realize that not enforcing noise laws is considered a violation of ones privacy.